This World
by spoons are for marmalade skies
Summary: James finds out about Sirius' heroin addiction through Lily, who happens to be Sirius' supplier. Oh the drama! Rated R for theme.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: This is from J.K. Rowling, somewhat differed but on the whole, characters setting you know the drill. The title is from Fearless, David Usher. If anything else is wrong or recognizable, well, isn't that's neat.

**This World**

_i know that your fearless i bought it what brought you to your knees_

_your rage is visible so nearly intelligence sets you free_

_my mind is clearly undoing the ability to see._

There were three.

It occurred to him that there could be more, but there, right in front of him, that was three. Remus stepped back and narrowed the frame.

"Are you sure that's far enough, Lupin? Have you got everyone in?" McGonagall called.

"Uh-huh," Remus said, spitting the words out over his tongue. This business was harder than it looked. He set it to ten seconds and dove in front of James, Sirius and Peter. The shutter clicked, the film rolled. McGonagall went to collect the camera.

"Did you do it?" James asked.

"Of course I did. Do you think I would so rashly abuse my privileges? We are now the entire _Class of '76_," Remus said in a husky voice.

Sirius was jumping up and down on his toes. "Okay, guys, let's move. Padfoot's bored."

"Of course he is," James drawled. "Sirius –" He pointed to make sure Sirius knew who he was talking to. "You – go – lake – jump in."

"Remus." Peter was tugging on his sleeve. Remus turned.

"What?"

"Did you get me in?"

"In what?"

"The picture, am I in it? Is it all four of us?"

"No, I got the hot brunette next to you. What are you on?"

Sirius was back from the lake. "Acid. And Firewhiskey. What hot brunette?"

"Don't give him that stuff, Black," James said irritably. "He gets weird."

"That was my bet. Any takers?" Sirius pulled out a quill and rolled up his sleeve.

"If it's gonna be acid it might as well be tequila," Remus said. "Start Muggle, stick Muggle, that's my motto."

"Too many syllables. Pick something shorter," Sirius said, scratching the words across his wrist. "Prongs?"

"Knowing Peter, it's probably Butterbeer."

"That's not even illegal, loosen up."

"Change it to rum." Remus peered over Sirius' shoulder. "Is that aesthetic enough for you?"

"I suppose. Okay, Pete."

Peter was sitting on the ground picking grass. "What?"

"Are you deaf? What are you on?"

"You know, between you and Remus it's a wonder my self esteem isn't completely shot," Peter said. James nudged Remus.

"He's hedging," he whispered.

Sirius slapped his forehead. "Am I going insane, or is this child a cunt to the enth? Peter, we are betting on you. Someone is going to make money. This is very important, because at least one of us is broke. Are you sober?"

"Of course I'm sober, what do you take me for?" Peter squawked.

"He's doing his voice. His lying voice." James chewed thoughtfully on a scone.

"Do you think so?"

"Sure. Sirius, smack him."

Sirius smacked him.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Don't lie, Wormtail, you're no good."

"I'm not lying."

James made a vague hand gesture in Peter's direction. "Did you catch it that time? His voice cracks in a strange way."

Remus thought about it. "Yeah, I guess it does."

"Will you guys help me?" Peter was practically panting under Sirius' glare. James opened his hands, palms up. "I'm the broke one here, Wormtail, I can't afford to lose."

Remus was dubious. "Really? Are you broke? I thought you said you'd pay me by tomorrow."

"Sure, I'll have it by then."

"If you're lying," Remus said, "I will hurt you. I will seriously harm you."

"I know you will, Moony, calm down. I'll get it back to you."

"Where'd you get that scone?" Sirius said, looking around. "Let's go get some scones."

"Aren't you going to finish interrogating our victim?"

Sirius grabbed Remus and James by the collars and dragged them down. Crouching in front of them, he said, "Here's the plan."

"I take your money."

"Peter, what have you drunk today?"

"Uh – orange juice. Butterbeer."

"I take your money," James said again.

"I spiked it," Sirius said. "With Firewhiskey. And made him drink it."

"That's cheating," Remus said.

"That's forethought. Listen to my plan. Prongs, you get more scones."

James pulled a bag out of his pocket and counted. "Is seventeen sufficient?"

"Perfect, thanks. Moony – you know your part in this."

"Where am I going to get all the spoons?"

Sirius shook his head. "That's Plan Fergus. This is Plan…um…B."

James said, "Original," and passed around the scones.

"Moony, find that brunette."

"I was talking about Snape. It's called a bitter irony," Remus said. "Or do you mean the one on the right?"

"No, not that one," Sirius said hastily. "Find a different one."

"Should I lock her up when I catch her?"

Sirius missed the sarcasm. "I don't care. You think of something, you're the Prefect. Innovation and all that. Peter, go do something."

"What?"

"Go, homework, something, I don't care. Go with Moony."

Peter got up. "I think –"

Sirius snapped his fingers together, signalling quiet. "What is this voice inside my head saying, do you think?"

"Go fuck yourself?" James suggested.

"No, listen," Sirius said, cupping a hand around his ear. "Could it be – why yes, it is! It's telling Peter to go fuck himself!"

"What would it have been if I hadn't given you the idea?" James asked. Sirius shrugged.

"I'm not the Prefect. Go, Moony. Go, Wormtail. Prongs, we have words to exchange."

Remus and Peter disappeared, and Sirius flopped onto his back. It was their seventh year; in another few months they would be on the train to London, never to return insofar as the retention of their wits lasted. They were about to take their NEWTs, so all the other seventh years and Peter were studying. The four of them had been best friends, all but Peter the best in every class, the unreachable Popular since they had decided at the end of their second year that they should do something interesting for a change. Six years later they were still the (somewhat) exclusive Marauders, and had the property to themselves: almost everyone was inside preparing for exams.

Now that Remus and Peter were gone Sirius could relax. He was somewhat tense by nature, but less so with James. He collapsed sideways to get a good look at James' face. "Any news from your lady friend?"

James didn't show any sign that he'd heard Sirius at all, except to say, "Sure."

"Well?"

James drew a letter from his pocket, opened it, straightened the parchment and cleared his throat. _"Dear Mr Potter_," he read. Sirius whistled.

"Mr Potter, look at you," he said. James fixed his mouth into a smile.

"_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at our Academy of Quidditch and the Dark Arts_ -"

"The what?"

"Will you let me finish? _A place for you_ – I read that already. You've thrown me off."

"What academy is this?"

"Are you deaf?"

"Heroin and french vanilla ice cream," Sirius said. "I confess."

"What the hell has french vanilla ice cream got to do with it?"

"It makes me kind of crazy. Tell me about this academy."

"They teach you Dark Arts, and then you play Quidditch."

Sirius splayed a palm across his chest. "Me personally? How lovely. If there was such a thing I'd have come across it, so shut up and tell me what you're doing with your life. I'm not in the mood to be hoodwinked this afternoon."

"At once?"

"Shut up when you're done. I thought you were going for Auror."

"Yeah."

"So, are you in?"

"I'm in."

"Am I in?"

"Did you apply?"

"Did I what?"

James stretched out against a nearby tree and closed his eyes. "Let me tell you something about the world, Padfoot, and how it runs. Everything doesn't drop into your lap as soon as you wish for it."

"It doesn't?"

"No. It doesn't."

"Prove it."

James exhaled, loudly. "Okay, wish for something."

"All right." Sirius shifted so that he was on his back again, folding his hands behind his head. "What next?"

"What'd you wish for?"

"If I tell you it won't happen."

"That's only wishing wells and birthday cakes. When you're proving things you have to be open or you'll never get anything done."

"Yeah, but you're the one who thought – well hello there," Sirius said.

"Heddo, Sidius."

James opened his eyes. There was a very tall, very blonde sixth year by the name of Greta perched on Sirius' stomach, giggling as he pretended to gasp for air. She pushed him, somehow managing to wind her fingers through his hair at the same time, and Sirius glanced over at James.

"My wish is granted, more or less. What next?"

James pressed his fingers to his eyes. "Okay. Black. Let me tell you something about the work world."

"It's run the same as the world? That's great, I'll swing by the Ministry in August and see what they've got open."

"You're going to die alone."

"I don't know about that," Sirius said. "Greta, will you let me die alone?"

"Off coorse not," she said. "Zat vut be awful."

"Mm," Sirius said. "Has anyone ever told you that the letters in your name spell Great?"


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Sirius and James got back to the Gryffindor common room Remus had completed his task. Greta, fortunately, had returned to Hufflepuff. Sirius slid into a seat next to Robin Lark and put an arm around the back of her chair.

"Hey there."

She stood up to remove his arm, and then sat back down. He raised his eyebrows.

"Okey dokey, I can see Lupin hasn't shifted his taste a jot and I'm going to go visit Pearl E. White."

Robin snorted and turned back to Lupin, who did not approve of such girls. Pearl was extremely flaky, something that Sirius could commiserate with. Robin glanced toward James.

"Are you going to sit down or what?"

"Who bit off your shoulder?" James said. He followed Sirius to the foot of the girls' dorm and peered up. "Is she coming?"

"Eventually, yes."

They waited a few minutes. Pearl came down.

"Hi."

"Hi," he said, rather glibly he thought.

"What do you want?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Do you want to go to the kitchens?"

"I'm not hungry," she said.

"What about Hogsmeade?"

"No, Sirius," James said warningly. Pearl was intrigued.

"Hogsmeade? How?"

"Just a little secret of ours," Sirius said, tapping his nose. "Go on, James, you know you've done it."

"Yes, but that was –" There was no way around it. "Pearl isn't very trustworthy."

Pearl covered her mouth with a hand, her eyes filling up with tears. Sirius put an arm around her shoulders.

"Shh, honey, I know you are. This is very secret, though. If anyone finds out we'll be in a lot of trouble."

"I'd never tell a soul," she whispered.

"Yes she would."

"Potter, go. Find someone to bring along or study or something, I don't care."


	3. Chapter 3

James was thinking what to do about a girl when a fifth year came up to him and watched him until he turned to look at her. Her hair was red and her coat an awkward shade of blue. He winced and looked away.

"Can I help you?"

"You're going to Hogsmeade? That's great, I needed to get there anyway. Let's go." She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him after her.

"Whoa," he said, slowing her down. "What are we doing?"

She was practically examining him through thick lenses. "I'm out of Firewhiskey. Come on."


	4. Chapter 4

"Sirius!"

He was lying in the stairwell, his skin transparent, a crowd watching him die. Lily dropped to her knees beside him. "Sirius! What the hell did you do to yourself?"

He didn't move. She punched him in the gut. "You fucking asshole. What do you think you're doing?"

James tried to drag her off, but she was fighting like a wildcat and punching at Sirius. He let out a hacking cough and was breathing, almost.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" she said into his hair, pulling him close. He got up the strength to lift an arm, shove at her.

"Get off me," he said. She backed away.

"You're alright?"

He pulled himself upright and slumped so that his head was supported on his knees. "Sure. Get out of here."

She turned to go. James blocked her way. "What are you playing at, you filthy bitch? Are you trying to kill him?"

"Leave off, James," Sirius said, and retched. He threw up on the floor. James moved to get Sirius up, and with a wave of his wand the floor was clean. Sirius got shakily to his feet and looked out from under his hair to see the corridor packed with wondering faces. He waved a little sheepishly.

"Hi, guys," he said. "Please continue to your classes as the moment has passed and is no longer interesting. Where are we going, James?"

"Hospital wing," he grunted.

"No."

"Dorms, then."


	5. Chapter 5

The redhead strolled beside him, perfectly at ease. James walked a little behind her, wary.

"Could you not get here on your own?"

She glanced back, and he was startled at the intensity of her eyes. Green wasn't usually so vivid. "No. Sirius blind-folds me."

"Were you together?"

She laughed and didn't respond.

"Okay," James said, "why did he let you come, then?"

"He doesn't date below sixth year, as you should know. He lived down my street."

"Oh yeah? What's your name?"

"Evans," she said.

"Huh."

"Muggle-born, in case you're wondering."

"It'd have to be, wouldn't it."

"I guess."

James was quiet for a moment, and then said, "Were you that nutter who –"

"Yep," she said. "I got him hooked."

"What?"

She stopped and waited for him to catch up. "What are you, lesser than me? Stay where I can see you.

"Wizards do not do heroin."

James processed that.

"I am not a witch," she said.

"Sure you are."

"Part-time."

"You're his – dealer, then?"

"No," she said, "I'm his contact. I find him bars, I find him losers on the street who'll put up with him. He has a lot of money, you know. They're not hard to get when you'll pay."

James stopped walking. "Go home, Evans."

"What, and think about my wrong-doings? I need money too, Potter."

"I don't want to know why you know my name, Evans, but I sure as hell want to know you'll be out of my sight in the next thirty seconds, and won't be back in it for a very long time."

"Cute. I know you because Sirius pointed you out as the guy we needed to not be a junkie, and who could not know that Sirius was."

"I do, though."

"His fault, not mine."

"When did you meet him?"

"You mean when did I start showing him around? My mom died when I was twelve."

"And you were…"

"Don't know where you're going with that. Broke? Yes. Living under a bridge?" She wrinkled up her face. "Not quite. It leaked and was very unpleasant. I camped out on his stairs until I slept in and his father tripped over me."

James was sympathetic with that one, having endured a similar experience after one of Sirius' famous parties in Muggle London. "How did you get into Hogwarts?"

"Sirius," she said. She didn't seem to mind him knowing, so he didn't mind asking more questions.

"You don't care that you're living off someone who isn't remotely related to you?"

"I give, he gives."

"You're sick."

"I'm alive," she pointed out.

"That's fairly obvious. Unless you're a vampire. Are you a vampire?"

She threw her head back and squinted to the sun. "Yes. Yes I am."

"Go home, Evans."

"Don't have one, remember?"

"Go away, then. Do you have money?"

"Enough for my Firewhiskey."

"No wonder you live in the streets."

"We all have our demons," she said, taking one of his hands before he had time to recoil and tipping a pile of change into it. "I'm underage."

"I'm not buying."

"Then I'll drag Sirius away from Pearl and make him do it. One way or another," she said. He put the handful of coins into his bag.

"What would you do if I made you a savings account?"

"Sue you for theft. Give me back my money."

"Do you not know about interest?"

"Don't know don't care."

"You give them money and leave it there, and then when you come back there's more."

"Neat-o. Convert someone else. Give me back my money."


	6. Chapter 6

James found Sirius snogging Pearl at the back of the one and only bar in town that was not in the least reputable. He sat down at their table and waited for one of them to notice. Sirius was fairly quick about it.

"You came!"

"How long have you know that Evans girl for?"

Sirius stiffened up and said, "I don't know, four years? Five?"

"Do you trust her?"

"With my life." Sirius put a hand to his heart and grinned nervously.

"Which, apparently, she's saved at least once to my knowledge. Can you tell me why that is?"

"Her spidey senses tell her when to be there."

James leaned in until he was closer to Sirius than Pearl was. "Or maybe because you wouldn't be overdosing without her there. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to get involved."

"I'm involved. What are you going to do about it?"

"Talk to you when I'm not keeping Pearl waiting."

"Pearl can wait. How long have you been a junkie?"

Sirius didn't know how much Lily had told him, so he said, "Heroin or crack?" and prayed.

James spoke very softly. No one could possibly overhear. "How long?"

"I don't know. I don't remember."

"Why not?"

"Weed, maybe."

"Weed."

"Yeah, like grass, like marijuana. It kills your memor –"

"How long, you fucking cokehead?" James landed his hand on the table, and Sirius jumped.

"Merlin, Potter, don't –"

"How long?"

"Was it before I knew you?" Lily was there too, Sirius could see her standing behind. He shook his head. "Five years in July, then, Potter. He got me into Hogwarts, remember?"

"I thought you said your mom died when you were twelve."

"I didn't suddenly know everyone in town. Use your head."

James took a deep breath and spoke to Pearl. "We have to go now. I think you should come with us, but then you'll have to leave us alone."

She nodded and detached herself from Sirius. He was not overly pleased.

"Why must it be now, Prongs? Could you not wait half an hour? Had you not figured out that on some level, maybe I was a little bit fucked over?"

"Sure," James said. "Which way did you come?"

"Through the mirror."

"Through the looking-glass," James said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "How quaint. We'll have to take it back, or Pearl will know almost as much as we do."


	7. Chapter 7

Remus was sitting on his bed. Sirius went to join him.

"I still don't get why our stairs don't do the slidey thing," Sirius said, by way of making conversation. Remus looked interestedly at James, whose knuckles were white from clenching them so hard. Lily stayed by the door.

"Who's that?" Remus nodded in her direction. She waved and smiled as Sirius said,

"Lily Evans."

"Sirius's dealer." James spat the words, and Remus lifted his eyebrows.

"Really. That's nice."

"Sirius has been on cocaine and heroin for the past five years."

"Okay." Remus wasn't responding. James looked at him.

"Do you not know what that is?"

Remus made an impatient noise. "Of course I do, Prongs. Everyone does it."

"I don't. You don't. Peter doesn't."

"I have. Peter has. If you haven't I don't see how you could have missed it, buddy, because this is the seventies, _everyone_ –"

James grabbed his hair with his hands. "You don't care, do you? You don't give a shit if your friend is collapsing in the halls, making a complete arse of himself –"

"That's nothing new," Remus said with a laugh. James seized a chair and flung it across the room. Remus got up; Lily moved forward to repair it.

"James, what the fuck –"

"You don't care that your best friend is a junkie! How can you not care? Do you want him to die?"

"He will anyway, sooner or later," Remus said. "If it's not this it'll be AIDs, or what, old age? Get over it."

James tried to calm down a little. "You're out of control, Sirius, you need to –"

"Fuck this," Sirius said. "I don't need anything. Get off my fucking bed, Remus."

"It's my bed and I'm not on it."

Sirius shut the curtains. James yanked them back open. "I don't think so."

"Yeah, well, I do."

"We're dealing with this, Sirius. Right now."

"Do whatever the hell you want, I don't care. I'm going to bed."

"Remus, why is he doing this? Is it his parents? I thought we got him out of there. I thought he was going to be all right."

Remus shrugged. "He might have tried to get off, I don't know. Why bother, though?"

"You don't get it, James," Lily said, putting a hand on his arm. "You've got a nice life, as far as they go. I don't know what his problem is –" She gestured to Remus "- but I'm on the streets, Sirius has no one, everyone's got plenty of excuses. You'll be fine, and you'd do better to ignore it."

James walked away.

Sirius was lying awake half an hour later when Lily crawled in next to him and rested her head on his arm, eyes fixed on his face. He didn't take his gaze from the canopy of the bed. She touched the bone over his eye.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

"Will he get over it?"

Silence.

"Do you want to go get stoned?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Let's go, then."

"James is still out. He'll know when he gets back."

"He never noticed before," Sirius said. "Where's Pete?"

"Sleeping."

"Is Remus here?"

"Yeah."

"Will he come?"

"I don't know. I'll ask."

Lily slipped out and went to stand over Remus. She touched his face, and he opened his eyes. "We're going out. Do you want to come?"

"No, I'll hang around here. Have a good time."

"I don't imagine we will."

"Have a good time," he said.


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius was crumpled at the foot of the stairs, skin a sickly blue. Lily dropped to her knees beside him. "Sirius!"

He didn't move. She punched him in the gut. "You fucking asshole. Sirius!"

A crowd was gathering, yawning and grumbling about the noise. James came down and grabbed Lily.

"Fuck you," he said. She punched Sirius again. James let her go. Sirius was breathing, coughing and retching but breathing just the same.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" she said. "When are you going to stop?"

"Get off me," he said. She didn't move.

"Stop, Sirius, stop, you've got to stop." She held on to him, stroking his hair. He kept fighting her.

"Get off me. Get out of here."

James pried her off and pushed her back. "Get up."

"Leave off, James," Sirius said. He tried to get his feet under him and swayed, levered himself up the wall. James didn't touch him.

"Hi, guys," Sirius said, looking around. "Hi."

"Hospital wing," James said.

"No." Sirius was shaking his head, trembling from head to foot but not relenting. James took out his wand.

"Hospital wing," he said.


	9. Chapter 9

McGonagall stood in front of the four of them.

"Can you explain this?" She held up the moving photograph of the four of them, underneath etched _Class of '76_. "Lupin?"

"I'm sorry, Professor."

"Black?"

He didn't seem to notice. McGonagall pursed her lips and turned on Peter.

"Pettigrew, I would have thought –"

"I didn't know anything, Professor, I swear!"

"Detention, Pettigrew. Potter, I suppose you didn't know either," she said sarcastically.

"I knew."

"And?"

"I'm very sorry."

"You're with me this weekend, all of you, first thing Saturday, first thing Sunday and I'm letting you off easy. You've gone far enough with your silly pranks."

Remus mumbled something, and McGonagall pointed to the door. "Out. First thing, don't forget."

The filed out. Sirius straightened up a little. "You owe me."

"What?"

"You owe me money, I won that bet."

"What are you, broke? Need a fix?" James said. "Couldn't you plead a favour from Lilikins?"

Sirius shook his head. "She cut me out. I need money."

"No," James said.

"You did cheat," Remus said fairly.

"I won," Sirius said. Peter reached for his bag.


End file.
